Assignment's Due In 30 Mins. Meanwhile, My Brain:

The path to unemployment has never been so theoretically elegant! Physics majors think they're solving the universe while math majors are proving theorems nobody asked for—both tunneling straight into joblessness with remarkable precision. Meanwhile, the cow represents biology majors who actually found jobs because they studied something practical. The real superiority complex? Thinking your ability to calculate in 11 dimensions will impress an HR manager who just wants someone who can use Excel without crashing the system.

The mathematical equivalent of "two wrongs make a right." In algebra, when you multiply two negative numbers, they produce a positive result. So while making one sign error is a mathematical sin that will haunt your calculations forever, making two consecutive sign errors accidentally cancels out your mistake. It's the universe's way of rewarding consistent incompetence. The only time in mathematics where doubling your failure rate improves your outcome.

The greatest mathematical dad joke in history! Newton and Leibniz both claimed to invent calculus in the 17th century, sparking one of science's most famous priority disputes. The punchline? It was a bit derivative ! 🤓 Get it? Because derivatives are a fundamental concept in calculus AND because Leibniz's work could be seen as derived from Newton's (or vice versa, depending who you ask). The math history burn that took 350 years to land!

STEM fields fighting over who gets to claim the smartest students is the academic equivalent of medieval knights competing for a princess's favor. Physics majors strut around with their fundamental forces, mathematicians flex their abstract reasoning muscles, engineers build impressive contraptions to show off, and computer scientists code their way into the spotlight—while finance majors just wave their future paychecks. Meanwhile, the brilliant students are just trying to figure out which field won't crush their souls (and maybe pay the bills).

Professor: "Is my exam difficult? No, not at all!" The exam: *casually asks you to disprove Fermat's Last Theorem while solving the Riemann Hypothesis during a coffee break* That third question is literally asking you to prove Fermat's Last Theorem without using the 100+ page proof that took mathematicians 358 years to develop. Sure, prof, totally reasonable for a 3-hour exam! Next time just ask us to build a functional time machine using only a pencil and our tears.

When your entire engineering degree consisted of watching pixelated YouTube tutorials and frantically Googling "how to calculate beam stress" at 2 AM. These poor souls are holding the blueprints upside down and backward, which is pretty much how we all felt trying to learn AutoCAD through a 13-inch laptop screen while the professor's Wi-Fi kept cutting out. The structural integrity of their education is about as sound as a bridge built with popsicle sticks and optimism.