I Have Potential

String theorists casually walking away from explosions while their careers hang in the balance. Top panel: the 1990s glory days with AdS background—fancy math, unlimited funding, cool sunglasses. Bottom panel: current reality—reduced to experimenting on rats while desperately seeking experimental evidence. Twenty years later, still zero observable predictions, but hey, at least the equations look pretty.

That moment when your brain enters its own state of entropy while studying thermodynamics! The medieval scholar's wide-eyed panic perfectly captures the cognitive dissonance of reading about entropy while experiencing it firsthand. Your brain literally demonstrates the second law of thermodynamics—spontaneously progressing toward maximum disorder with each re-read. Six attempts in and you're still converting mental energy into pure confusion. Textbook example of diminishing returns!

That cosmic smile when you remember the correct formula! The volume of a sphere is actually (4/3)πr³ , not 4r³. The title's formula (4√G/E·r³) looks like someone desperately trying to derive physics equations during an exam while having an existential crisis. Math students everywhere just felt a disturbance in the force—like millions of test papers suddenly cried out in terror and were marked incorrect. Pro tip: memorize these formulas or embrace a future where spheres remain mysterious objects of unknown volume.

Technically correct is the best kind of correct! The first skydive without a parachute is just gravity doing its thing. The second skydive? Well, that requires some serious planning ahead... and a functional circulatory system! It's basically Newton's lesser-known Fourth Law: "What goes splat cannot go splat again without significant medical intervention." Physics and biology teaming up for the ultimate dark humor!

The Standard Model gets a psychological makeover! Someone brilliantly relabeled force carriers as "mental illnesses" instead of the boring old "interactions." Thirty years of teaching particle physics and I've never seen a more accurate description of the Higgs boson's effect on my mental health. Trying to explain quantum chromodynamics to freshmen while gluons are listed as "gauge mental illnesses" would actually explain why so many physicists develop a thousand-yard stare by tenure. Next up: renaming quantum entanglement as "particle codependency issues."

The ultimate perpetual motion machine that physicists don't want you to know about! This brilliant circular logic proposes solving two problems at once: dump tumors into black holes, which emit Hawking radiation, which causes more tumors, which we can then feed back into the black hole. Voilà—infinite energy! Sure, it violates several laws of physics, medical ethics, and probably common sense, but who needs those when you've got a tumor-powered universe? Stephen Hawking is simultaneously facepalming and laughing somewhere in the multiverse.