Sour Memes

Forget everything you learned in astrophysics class. Turns out Stephen Hawking missed the most obvious explanation for black hole formation: just suck on a lemon hard enough! The cosmic secret Big Science doesn't want you to know is that every time you make that puckered face from extreme sourness, you're actually creating a miniature gravitational singularity. No wonder my grandmother warned me my face would stay that way. She wasn't concerned about my appearance—she was worried I'd collapse the neighborhood into an event horizon.