Hr Memes

Posts tagged with Hr

Corporate Diversity Vs Molecular Reality

Corporate Diversity Vs Molecular Reality
Corporate diversity initiatives vs. molecular reality! That molecule on the right? It's lauric acid, a fatty acid with a trans-pink-blue color scheme that's suspiciously similar to the folks on the left. Both feature happy people with their arms up, both showcase the same color palette, and both are technically organic structures! Chemistry nerds know that corporations love to present their "diverse molecular arrangements" in marketing just like they present their carbon-based human employees—functionally identical but visually repackaged. The real chemistry joke? HR departments and chemical bonds both require energy to break!

Probably Won't Even Email I Was Rejected Either...

Probably Won't Even Email I Was Rejected Either...
Your 12-page CV with 3 published papers and that conference poster you're so proud of? Currently being evaluated by someone whose understanding of experimental design comes from a textbook that still thinks phrenology might be onto something. The scientific method suggests your application has a half-life of approximately 8 seconds before achieving complete trash can integration. Just another data point in the ongoing experiment called "Why Did I Get This PhD Again?"

The Pluto Debate: Career Suicide Edition

The Pluto Debate: Career Suicide Edition
The great Pluto debate rages on in office settings too. Saying Pluto "seems like a planet" gets you labeled adorable, but drop the scientific facts about its dwarf planet classification and suddenly HR wants a word. The International Astronomical Union demoted Pluto in 2006, and people are still fighting about it like it's a family member who got disinherited. Some hills are worth dying on... your employment status probably isn't one of them.

When The Job Description Finally Reveals Actual Duties

When The Job Description Finally Reveals Actual Duties
Ever notice how scientific job listings are like quantum states? They exist in a superposition of being both incredibly specific ("must have 7+ years experience with this exact obscure technique") and maddeningly vague ("make an impact in our dynamic environment"). That devious smile when you finally get bullet points with actual responsibilities instead of corporate word salad about "synergistic cross-functional team environments" is pure scientific ecstasy. It's like finally isolating that compound after months of failed experiments! And then there's that slug-alien expression when reality hits - those 5 paragraphs of HR jargon actually translate to "we'll work you to death while pretending we're changing the world." The natural response of any scientist with a functioning frontal lobe.