Democrats Memes

Finally, a particle accelerator experiment I can get behind! Political science has evolved from boring polls and focus groups to high-energy physics. Instead of studying voter behavior, they're now accelerating Democrats and Republicans to relativistic speeds and watching the spectacular explosion of talking points and blame that results. The collision debris includes fragments of broken promises, spin particles, and trace amounts of actual policy. The half-life of any resulting bipartisan agreement is approximately 2.7 nanoseconds. The real breakthrough? They've discovered that politicians can indeed move faster than their ability to change positions on issues!

The Large Hadron Collider of politics! Instead of smashing subatomic particles together to discover the fundamental forces of nature, political scientists accelerate opposing ideologies to their breaking point and watch the spectacular explosion of talking points and finger-pointing that follows. The real quantum entanglement happens when both sides somehow manage to be simultaneously right and wrong depending on who's observing. The only difference? CERN gets Nobel Prizes while political scientists get angry emails from both sides.

The perfect analogy doesn't exi-- Oh wait, here it is. Political science gets the particle accelerator treatment. Just like physicists smash protons together to observe fundamental interactions, political scientists apparently accelerate opposing ideologies to near-relativistic speeds and watch the resulting debris field of tweets and campaign ads. The data collection phase is going well; the interpretation remains... challenging. Funding request for a larger political collider currently pending review.