Cardiovascular Memes

Technically speaking, food can fill that void in your heart. Just not in the metaphorical way your friend meant. The image shows an artery clogged with red blood cells on one side and fatty yellow deposits on the other—precisely what happens when you comfort-eat your way through emotional distress. Your cardiovascular system doesn't distinguish between heartbreak and heartburn. The plaque buildup is just doing what the ice cream commanded it to do: physically fill empty spaces. Who needs emotional healing when you can have arterial narrowing?

In what might be the most brilliant case of backronym creation in pop culture history, we've got Professor Barclay here performing some truly inspired medical etymology. Smoking three cigarettes simultaneously would indeed put you on the fast track to cardiovascular bronchitis—if such a condition actually existed in medical literature. What we're witnessing is the beautiful intersection of pulmonology humor and celebrity nomenclature. The professor's confidence in this completely fabricated medical diagnosis is the kind of unwavering certainty I wish my graduate students had when defending their questionable research methodologies. Next up: proving that Snoop Dogg is actually an acronym for "Systematic Neurological Observation Of Pulmonary Disorders." I'm taking no questions at this time.