If Charles Darwin's Theory Of Natural Selection Was True, Why Do We Still Have Idiots?

Biology student discovers harsh truth about inheritance. Not the Mendelian kind with dominant and recessive alleles, but the financial kind that apparently doesn't follow scientific principles. The look of existential realization is identical to when you realize you've been culturing the wrong bacteria strain for three weeks. Brutal honesty hits harder than peer reviewer #2.

The Streptococcus family reunion is always awkward. Two murderous cousins showing up with their "accomplishments" listed on their résumés while the derpy one on the right is just happy to be involved in your breakfast. Nature's cruel joke: same genus, wildly different lifestyles. Your throat infection and that delicious Greek yogurt? Bacterial cousins. Evolution really said "let's make one version that causes scarlet fever and another that makes cheese." Talk about range! Next time you enjoy that creamy yogurt, just remember its relatives are plotting humanity's downfall one sore throat at a time.

Sharks swimming around like "I remember when Saturn didn't even have its jewelry yet." These ancient predators have been cruising the oceans since 450 million years ago—that's over 200 million years before dinosaurs! Trees only showed up 360 million years ago, and Saturn's iconic rings? Just 100 million years old—practically brand new in shark time. Next time you're worried about getting old, remember there are sharks out there who've watched entire planetary features come into existence. Talk about the ultimate "back in my day" flex.

Ever wonder why Bigfoot photos are always blurry? Mystery solved! The comic shows a Sasquatch family getting their portrait taken, but the terrified photographer can't keep his hands steady! Meanwhile, the wall of family photos reveals the truth - generations of fuzzy, out-of-focus "evidence" that cryptozoologists have been analyzing for decades. Turns out the Patterson-Gimlin film wasn't faked - the cameraman was just having a panic attack! No wonder we never get clear evidence - wouldn't YOU shake uncontrollably if a 7-foot hairy cryptid posed for your camera?

Finally, a cheat sheet for those who can't tell their prehistoric nightmares apart! Next time you're being chased through a swamp, just politely ask the reptile to smile. If only top teeth are visible, you've got about 30 seconds to write your will. If top AND bottom teeth show, well... I hope your affairs are already in order. Evolution really said "let's make the same terrifying creature twice but with slightly different dental plans."

This is the zoological equivalent of asking if the chicken came before the egg. Electric eels have been zapping prey since long before Benjamin Franklin flew his kite in a thunderstorm. They generate electricity biologically through specialized cells called electrocytes that work like tiny batteries in series. So technically, nature "invented" electricity millions of years before humans figured out how to harness it. The real mind-bender is that we named them after a technology that was inspired by the very phenomenon they naturally produce. Talk about circular reasoning that'll short-circuit your brain!