Neutrophil Memes

Ever notice how your emotional state perfectly corresponds to microscopic organisms? That happy paramecium (#1) is clearly on its third cup of coffee, while that neutrophil (#5) looks like it just graded 200 freshman lab reports. I'm personally vacillating between the sad-faced cell (#2) and the angry macrophage (#3) depending on how many emails I've received from students asking questions clearly answered in the syllabus. The plant stomata (#4) are just sitting there photosynthesizing without a care in the world. Must be nice not having tenure committees or grant deadlines. Let's be honest—we're all just sophisticated arrangements of cells having various existential crises. Biology's greatest joke is that we're essentially fancy amoebas with student loan debt.