Hippo Memes

Ever notice how paleontologists never give us the adorable version? That skull screams "terrifying predator" but the actual animal is just a hippo with an underbite. Future scientists will probably turn our house cats into razor-toothed demons based on skull structure alone. This is why we can't have nice dinosaurs—soft tissue doesn't fossilize, but nightmare fuel certainly does in our imaginations. Maybe T-Rex was just a giant feathery goofball with tiny arms who couldn't blow out his own birthday candles. Science: making cute animals scary since 1822.

Taxonomic disappointment at its finest! That's a hippopotamus ( Hippopotamus amphibius ), which despite being semi-aquatic, is more closely related to whales than to other "river horses." The classic parent bait-and-switch maneuver hits different when it involves 3,000 pounds of territorial aggression instead of the sleek, echolocating Inia geoffrensis you were hoping for. Fun fact: hippos can't even swim—they push off the riverbed and "gallop" underwater. Budget dolphins indeed!