Ganymede Memes

Mercury's out here with the celestial equivalent of a PowerPoint presentation defending its planetary status. "I'm round! I orbit the Sun! I'm in that mnemonic device about planets!" Meanwhile, it's conveniently glossing over the fact that it can't even organize its day-night schedule properly and needs its orbital mommy for cleanup. The comparison to Ganymede is particularly brutal - like showing up to a job interview and finding out the other candidate has the same qualifications but also speaks five languages and volunteers at animal shelters. The "give me liberty or give me core" bit is just *chef's kiss* - planetary existential crisis in four lines. Next thing you know, Mercury will be posting inspirational quotes about "living your best orbit" while blocking all the dwarf planets on social media.

The cosmic bureaucracy strikes again! Poor Ganymede—larger than Mercury by 400km but stuck with "moon" status while Mercury struts around with its "planet" badge. It's like the solar system's version of corporate titles. Jupiter's like that boss who keeps talented employees labeled as "associates" while the CEO's nephew gets "executive" in his title despite being smaller and less qualified. The universe doesn't care about your diameter when determining your astronomical classification—it's all about who you orbit! Next up: Pluto files a formal grievance with HR.