The cosmic hands of denial won't save us! 500,000 kilometers might sound like a safe distance, but that's actually closer than the Moon (384,400 km away). In astronomical terms, that's like a bullet passing through your cosmic hair. The space vest isn't just fashion—it's irony incarnate. "Don't worry, we're FINE," says the astrophysicist while internally calculating our extinction probability. Next time NASA says "close approach," just remember this is space-speak for "technically missed us but let's not talk about how statistically terrifying that actually was."