Asexual reproduction Memes

Ever felt like your dating life is non-existent? Congrats, you've got something in common with bacteria! Prokaryotes reproduce asexually through binary fission—literally splitting themselves in half instead of swiping right. No romance, no awkward first dates, just *bloop* and suddenly there's two of you! Their idea of "getting lucky" is finding a nice puddle with nutrients. No wonder they've got that unimpressed expression—4 billion years of evolution and still no game whatsoever!

Possibly the most awkward "birds and bees" talk in microbiology! Unlike humans who need to swipe right and exchange numbers, amoebas just split themselves in two like they're copying and pasting their existence. The dad amoeba is basically saying "I loved myself so much I literally tore myself apart to make you." Self-love taken to its biological extreme! Next time someone asks how you're planning to reproduce, just say "I'm thinking of pulling an amoeba" and watch their confused faces.